Kung Fu and Titties (2013)

Sometimes when you review a movie you are taking a bullet for somebody else. Stepping in line to stop something terrible from happening to others. Tonight my wife and I have done just that. So please heed our warning when we say not to watch this movie. If only we would have been warned ourselves. The movie is...

Kung Fu and Titties

And yes, you can buy it at Amazon.

My wife and I were searching through the Roku looking for bad Kung-fu movies to watch at some point. Then over in the suggestions it appeared. The name that made us both go what the hell. We had to click on it just to see if was an actual movie listing. It was and we both laughed, then for some damned reason we said 'what the hell' and loaded it up.

It's really hard to classify this as a movie and more like glorified handicam filming. The plot itself was just as bad. A man named Richard Titties must travel to another dimension to rescue his girlfriend from a breast obsessed madman. No, I'm not joking, that's the plot. I would like to say there was some interesting bits in the movie, that somewhere there is something actually good buried in all of the badly filmed mess, but if I said that I would be telling a lie.

Of course the question everyone wants to know, “are there titties in the movie?”. Yes, you wonderful one handed remote control holders there are. There are a lot of titties in this movie, along with some ass and some guys ball sack. But having grown up on direct to VHS movies in the 90's and being an early entry internet nerd I have seen titties for a long time. It's not worth watching this to see them, just hop on google and find some instead. Trust me your brain will thank you later.

So throughout this 'film' my wife kept looking over at me and asking “what the hell?” and all I could do was shake my head and shrug. Afterwards I was at least able to point towards my rack of movies and proclaim that in comparison everything that I own is of the highest quality movie making skill. I have Zardoz on that rack and this makes it look good. Think about that for a moment.

So if you listen to any review of mine ever then listen to this one. Avoid Kung-Fu and Titties at all costs.

 

"Somehow I managed to keep my titties covered throughout the movie!"