Roll a D20 - Magic potion side affects.

Roll a D20. This potion has gone bad what is the side affect?

1. You go blind for one hour
2. Everything you say is amplified three times louder than it should be.
3. Your bowels immediately empty.
4. You suddenly lose all sense of balance and cannot stand upright for twenty minutes.
5. You begin to bleed from your nose, eyes and ears, this lasts for fifteen minutes.
6. Your finger and toe nails suddenly grow two inches longer it the process is very painful.
7. Your spoken language is changed to that of an ancient dead language for two days.
8. Immediate projectile vomiting while screaming uncontrollably.
9. For now on whenever you close your eyes you become invisible.
10. Your skin color changes to that of a bright red.
11. Your body changes to that of the opposite gender, this lasts for a full week.
12. Your knees scream in agony for ten minutes, then stop hurting but now they bend the wrong way.
13. Touching gold now causes second degrees burns to your skin.
14. The skin of your face goes smooth and stretches tightly rendering you unrecognizable.
15. Rashes of blisters now appear all across your body. Goes away after a week or two.
16. Your hair falls out and when it regrows it is thin and transparent.
17. Your strength is doubled for next ten hours.
18. Your hands swell and become to large to use for anything. This lasts for an hour.
19. Any injuries you have heal up a bit, if this was a healing potion to begin with the effect is doubled.
20. You lose all since of touch for the next twenty four hours.

Jaded Gamer Diary - Magic shitheads moaning

Recently there was a big blowout online about some Magic the Gathering players harassing and causing other players to leave.  Typically it was a bunch of guys saying various things about female players.  Evidently it was enough of a blow up that Wizards actually stepped forward and issued some DCI bans on those guys involved. 

Here is some light reading for those interested.

https://www.hipstersofthecoast.com/2017/12/jeremy-hambly-aka-mtgheadquarters-suspended-dci-mtg/
http://epicstream.com/news/Magic-The-Gathering-Pro-Travis-Woo-Suspended-by-The-DCI-For-1-Year

Now of course those who have been banned have a fan following.  Now those fans are up in arms and bitching about what happened.  I've never seen a bigger bunch of whiny babies in all my life... well except some GamerGate folks when somebody wrote a review they didn't like.  But these folks are really pushing for the number one spot of 'Dumbass of the Internet'.  So many claiming they are leaving Magic as well and have already sold off their stuff. Yeah right.  Those card board crack addicts aren't giving up anything. 

They are even going around spreading lies and bad reviews for game shops who back WotC's decision.

Damn people at least try to act like you have some sort of spine.  Not happy with the rulings, fine, make a well written and straight forward argument for reversal and go out and get support for that.  But they won't they just try to string five words together just long enough to call it a sentence and then gnash and curse all day long.

Not that I have anything against somebody brightening up their fucking dialogue with something colorful.  But damn, these losers come across like grade school kids trying to look cool for somebody who is a few grades above them.

Fuck all.  These guys remind me of some of the reason I stopped playing Magic myself years back.  Now if Wizards is kicking these jackasses to the side and moving on without them... hell I may have to get back into the game beyond the once a month casual level.

Roll a D20 - Magical Masks.

Sometimes a mask is more than a mask.  Roll a twenty sider and give a mask a special ability that is occasionally a bit outside of the norm of most magical items.  Presented system free so charges, uses, etc are not listed.

(picture source)

 

1. Silent and forgotten. Whenever you are wearing the mask and being silent nobody notices or remembers you as you pass through.
2. The Thieves Friend. Anyone who is a trained thief has their ability to detect traps and secret passages increased.
3. Word of God. Any person of strong devotional faith (cleric, priest, etc) who speaks to the flock while wearing this has the ability to sway them to do whatever they say.
4. Relax. While wearing the mask anybody is automatically calmer, doesn't panic and succeeds automatically at any tests of morale, fear, etc.
5. Nightmare Fuel. Those around you that gaze upon the mask are filled with a since of fear and dread. They will avoid you at all costs and have nightmares about you that night.
6. You Again. People see you as someone they saw previously that day
7. Readers Delight. When you view other written common languages they are translated over in to the language you are most fluent in.
8. Golden Voice. You gain the ability to sing extremely well, equal to that of many famous bards. It does not, however, help you remember the lyrics.
9. Listen Well. If you concentrate you can listen in on any conversation within the room you are in.
10. Death Is Among Us. When you look upon something undead you see a black thick smoke pouring from them.
11. Loving Memories. Whenever you talk to somebody they suddenly have memories of you being their long lost lover who they will do nearly anything for.
12. Watch Your Back. You can see as if you have eyes in the back of your head along with your regular vision. Will require some practice to get used to this.
13. Finely Dressed. An illusion is cast and you appear to be dressed in the finest clothing.
14. Steady On. You cannot be disoriented, magically confused, or lose your sense of direction.
15. Easily Rested. Any time you are able to relax or simply not be physically active counts as sleep and helps you feel refreshed.
16. Silence The Lies. When anyone tells a lie all you can hear is muffled noises.
17. Not So Silent. You hear the sound of jingling bells whenever anyone is trying to sneak up on you.
18. Open Mouth. The mouth of the mask can be opened up and acts like a bag of holding. Only works while you are wearing it.
19. Side Stepped. People who look at you actually see you a few inches off from where you really are. Makes it very hard to be hit with missile weapons.
20. Memory Bank. You can focus and store a memory into the mask, the next person who puts it on then gains that memory.

Roll a D20 - Nasty curses nobody wants

Sometimes you just anger the wrong witch or pick up the worst item.  It's time to roll a D20 to see what kind of nasty ass curse you just came down with.  These aren't for the faint of heart.

1. Your excrement comes out alive and squirming like snakes.
2. You sprout another pair of completely useless arms dangling from your back shoulder blades.
3. Your back sprouts large painful puss and maggot filled boils.
4. You suffer blinding headaches whenever you find yourself in a dangerous situation.
5. Your lips and nose slowly dry up and break off in fragments leaving gaping wounds.
6. Your body odor becomes so vile anyone near you is nauseated by the scent.
7. All weapons in your possession become dull and chipped within minutes.
8. Everything tastes horrible, almost vomit inducing, even clean water.
9. Over the period of two weeks your legs shrivel and shrink to half their size.
10. Whenever you injure another creature you feel their pain and fear.
11. You grow several eyes all over your body that look around but you cannot control or see from.
12. You attract insects in swarms that want to crawl all over your body constantly.
13. Dirt and grime clings to you and can't be washed off.
14. Your entire body is wracked with pain as your bones start to grow small thorns all over them.
15. You cannot control your bowel movements and have no warning before you soil yourself.
16. Every injury you sustain becomes infected.
17. You constantly cough up phlegm filled with squirming baby spiders.
18. Your sweat becomes slightly acidic, ruining your clothes after just a few hours of activity.
19. Whenever someone says your name you vomit violently.
20. All of your bodily fluids come out as blood, including your tears, mucus and urine.