Thursday, December 14, 2017

Jaded Gamer Diary - Magic shitheads moaning

Recently there was a big blowout online about some Magic the Gathering players harassing and causing other players to leave.  Typically it was a bunch of guys saying various things about female players.  Evidently it was enough of a blow up that Wizards actually stepped forward and issued some DCI bans on those guys involved. 

Here is some light reading for those interested.

Now of course those who have been banned have a fan following.  Now those fans are up in arms and bitching about what happened.  I've never seen a bigger bunch of whiny babies in all my life... well except some GamerGate folks when somebody wrote a review they didn't like.  But these folks are really pushing for the number one spot of 'Dumbass of the Internet'.  So many claiming they are leaving Magic as well and have already sold off their stuff. Yeah right.  Those card board crack addicts aren't giving up anything. 

They are even going around spreading lies and bad reviews for game shops who back WotC's decision.

Damn people at least try to act like you have some sort of spine.  Not happy with the rulings, fine, make a well written and straight forward argument for reversal and go out and get support for that.  But they won't they just try to string five words together just long enough to call it a sentence and then gnash and curse all day long.

Not that I have anything against somebody brightening up their fucking dialogue with something colorful.  But damn, these losers come across like grade school kids trying to look cool for somebody who is a few grades above them.

Fuck all.  These guys remind me of some of the reason I stopped playing Magic myself years back.  Now if Wizards is kicking these jackasses to the side and moving on without them... hell I may have to get back into the game beyond the once a month casual level.

Sunday, December 10, 2017

Roll a D20 - Magical Masks.

Sometimes a mask is more than a mask.  Roll a twenty sider and give a mask a special ability that is occasionally a bit outside of the norm of most magical items.  Presented system free so charges, uses, etc are not listed.

  1. Silent and forgotten. Whenever you are wearing the mask and being silent nobody notices or remembers you as you pass through.
  2. The Thieves Friend. Anyone who is a trained thief has their ability to detect traps and secret passages increased.
  3. Word of God. Any person of strong devotional faith (cleric, priest, etc) who speaks to the flock while wearing this has the ability to sway them to do whatever they say.
  4. Relax. While wearing the mask anybody is automatically calmer, doesn't panic and succeeds automatically at any tests of morale, fear, etc.
  5. Nightmare Fuel. Those around you that gaze upon the mask are filled with a since of fear and dread. They will avoid you at all costs and have nightmares about you that night.
  6. You Again. People see you as someone they saw previously that day
  7. Readers Delight. When you view other written common languages they are translated over in to the language you are most fluent in.
  8. Golden Voice. You gain the ability to sing extremely well, equal to that of many famous bards. It does not, however, help you remember the lyrics.
  9. Listen Well. If you concentrate you can listen in on any conversation within the room you are in.
  10. Death Is Among Us. When you look upon something undead you see a black thick smoke pouring from them.
  11. Loving Memories. Whenever you talk to somebody they suddenly have memories of you being their long lost lover who they will do nearly anything for.
  12. Watch Your Back. You can see as if you have eyes in the back of your head along with your regular vision. Will require some practice to get used to this.
  13. Finely Dressed. An illusion is cast and you appear to be dressed in the finest clothing.
  14. Steady On. You cannot be disoriented, magically confused, or lose your sense of direction.
  15. Easily Rested. Any time you are able to relax or simply not be physically active counts as sleep and helps you feel refreshed.
  16. Silence The Lies. When anyone tells a lie all you can hear is muffled noises.
  17. Not So Silent. You hear the sound of singling bells whenever anyone is trying to sneak up on you.
  18. Open Mouth. The mouth of the mask can be opened up and acts like a bag of holding. Only works while you are wearing it.
  19. Side Stepped. People who look at you actually see you a few inches off from where you really are. Makes it very hard to be hit with missile weapons.
  20. Memory Bank. You can focus and store a memory into the mask, the next person who puts it on then gains that memory.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Roll a D20 - Nasty curses nobody wants

Sometimes you just anger the wrong witch or pick up the worst item.  It's time to roll a D20 to see what kind of nasty ass curse you just came down with.  These aren't for the faint of heart.

  1. Your excrement comes out alive and squirming like snakes.
  2. You sprout another pair of completely useless arms dangling from your back shoulder blades.
  3. Your back sprouts large painful puss and maggot filled boils.
  4. You suffer blinding headaches whenever you find yourself in a dangerous situation.
  5. Your lips and nose slowly dry up and break off in fragments leaving gaping wounds.
  6. Your body odor becomes so vile anyone near you is nauseated by the scent.
  7. All weapons in your possession become dull and chipped within minutes.
  8. Everything tastes horrible, almost vomit inducing, even clean water.
  9. Over the period of two weeks your legs shrivel and shrink to half their size.
  10. Whenever you injure another creature you feel their pain and fear.
  11. You grow several eyes all over your body that look around but you cannot control or see from.
  12. You attract insects in swarms that want to crawl all over your body constantly.
  13. Dirt and grime clings to you and can't be washed off.
  14. Your entire body is wracked with pain as your bones start to grow small thorns all over them.
  15. You cannot control your bowel movements and have no warning before you soil yourself.
  16. Every injury you sustain becomes infected.
  17. You constantly cough up phlegm filled with squirming baby spiders.
  18. Your sweat becomes slightly acidic, ruining your clothes after just a few hours of activity.
  19. Whenever someone says your name you vomit violently.
  20. All of your bodily fluids come out as blood, including your tears, mucus and urine.

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Roll a D20 - Resurrection after affects 2

A second table of random after affects of resurrection.  So roll a d20.

Resurrection after affects chart 2

  1. Running water against the skin gives a severe burning sensation.
  2. All body begins to fall out, within a week they are completely hairless.
  3. They lose the feeling of touch but their skin becomes as tough as leather.
  4. Suddenly fluent, speaking and writing, in a completely foreign language.
  5. Hair growth is sped up, growing a full beard in a day or so.
  6. Lose the ability to count, getting splitting headaches when you try.
  7. Food loses all taste.
  8. Intense, unexplained, hatred for the cleric or priest who brought you back.
  9. Can tell when somebody is watching you and can spot them easily.
  10. You switch primary hands. If left handed you are now right handed and vice versa.
  11. Everything viewed through clear glass becomes dark and shaded.
  12. You can feel when you are near anything undead.
  13. Whenever you walk through graveyards or other resting places of the dead you feel pain.
  14. Domesticated animals really don't like you, some will even attack.
  15. Smoke and dust swirls away from you when you walk through.
  16. You can suddenly see very well in the dark.
  17. Random flashes of memories that are not your own.
  18. Anxiety and fear whenever you get around anything resembling what killed you.
  19. All light sources dim a bit when you get near them, such as torches and lanterns.
  20. You can no longer feel the cold, nor does if physically affect you in any way.

Friday, November 24, 2017

Roll a D20 - Resurrection after affects

Roll a D20.

Random after affects of resurrection.

  1. Insects like the character and tend to land and crawl onto them often.
  2. Character can now see and converse with spirits.
  3. They get a niggling twinge of hunger at the sight of blood.
  4. Their skin becomes paler and you can see the veins more clearly now.
  5. The eyes become extremely bloodshot and are like this permanently.
  6. Hair loss begins immediately, within a week they have no body hair at all.
  7. Finger and toe nails take on a dark red color.
  8. Teeth begin to decay, within two months they have all rotted away.
  9. Gain a perpetual cold blowing their nose results in a handkerchief full of puss.
  10. Water no longer quenches their thirst.
  11. Can now feel their skin crawl when near anything undead.
  12. Suddenly prefers their meat as raw as they can get it.
  13. Becomes highly religious and a true believer.
  14. Body fat begins to fade away, within two months they are muscle and skin.
  15. Your natural body odor becomes that of a slight hint of rot.
  16. Whenever you sleep your dreams are always nightmares.
  17. Wounds, even slight ones, leave nasty looking dark scars.
  18. At completely random times you hear the sound of a woman screaming.
  19. Any spells or items that affect the undead, now affect you.
  20. Your native language now looks like chicken scratches when you see it.

Saturday, November 11, 2017

Jaded Gamer Diary - I can't die!

Of all the 'new generation' or 'indie game design' ideas that really get under my skin this has got to be one of the tops.  The idea that a character can't die unless the player wants them to.  That no matter what, if the player says no then the GM has to bend EVERYTHING into some weird shape to allow them a way to live out of the most unsurvivable situations.

As a GM I can't build tension worth a shit because the players eventually fall into that stage of not caring about how crazy their characters, or their actions, are.  They just go and do dumb ass shit for no good reason just to make the person running the game chase the story through their own assholes to keep them alive.  There is no risk, not a single bit, nothing at stake.  They can't die.  Oh you can bring up all sorts of things like them losing NPCs they care about or failing the mission, but in the end they really don't care.

As a player we all know there is that one jackass at the table who is never EVER going to let his uber annoying piece of wasted sperm and egg die.  That player who makes a character with a really annoying accent that they have to mimic at the table constantly.  The player that will say fuck all and split the party.  The character we all want to see die because he sucks the fun out of the game.  But he won't, he never will.

When you do end up saying I'll let my character die then chances are that will happen.  Because the GM will have already stacked shit up so high to deal with immortal characters that one who is suddenly mortal is going to get squished.

So my 'fix' for this? I don't play in games with the mechanic nor do I run games with this mechanic.  Pretty easy fix.  I sit down at the table and the GM says "Your character can't die unless you want them to" and I say fuck it and get up and leave. 


Sunday, October 15, 2017

Jaded Gamer - screw the local community

I am completely done with the local gaming community.  It's taken a while to get to the point but I now I'm all the way there.  Now I've been fading out of the community for a few years now, but at first it was mainly due to lack of time to be involved in anything.  Being a single parent taking care of two kids will do that to you.  But then last year it started changing.

The fucking US election and the clusterfuck it was is the reason.  I was friends on facebook with a lot of the local gamers.  Boy was that a mistake.  It didn't take long for them to start showing their political colors and their very unsavory beliefs to make me stand back and say fuck all that.

Now I know people are always saying you don't have to talk about politics, a lot of the time it never comes up, etc.  But the problem it did come up.  They spoke some of their deepest shittiest opinions online and several of the others agreed with them.  People I had been friends with for years were coming out and saying all liberals should be rounded up and shot/deported/locked into mental wards/etc... and I'm a liberal.  Why the ever living fuck would I want to set at the same table with somebody who wishes this kind of shit on me, much less engage in a friendly social activity with them. Got see people supporting the idea of genocide against gay people simply because they wanted equal rights.  Many passed around a meme calling for them to be put into concentration camps.

This went on for months.  I started unfriending a lot of people, probably dumped around thirty in one day.  Family members, friends I've had for decades, you name it I just dumped their asses off my list.  Didn't want to see what they said anymore and I never really want to anymore. 

It continues to this day.  Many of them Trumpstains who think that admitted sex offender/liar/corrupt business man (all of these are proven FACTS) can do no wrong.  Who cheer at the idea of millions being thrown off of health care, who cheer at the idea that my son has a pre existing condition that would make in hard for me to get insurance for him in the private sector.  They call for forced patriotism or be shot/deported/beaten. 

To many in the local community have shown their colors.  To many of them have shown what they really are on the inside.  I'm done with the lot of them.