Mutant Chronicles (2008)
Watch it for free on Tubi.
Or buy it on Amazon.
Okay here we go. Heard several stories about this movie over the year, never gave it a viewing. At least this time it’s a movie with a budget unlike the last one I did. We get a quick overview of the base storyline, some shots of what happened something called the machine was sealed up long ago. Nice set up and it’s over.
Then we get futuristic steamtech trench warfare. Hey there’s Sean Pertwee, always nice to see him in a movie. Hey Thomas Jane, not complaining there either. Lots of bloody brutal fighting, then the thing that was sealed up breaks open and even more bloodshed comes along. This is where I was laughing for a bit. You ever see those old bad 3D movies where they have the fight scenes choreographed with people attacking at the camera? Yeah. They did that here. Why? Fuck I couldn’t tell you, it looks bad, thankfully they don’t continue with that.
Oh, damn, well goodbye Sean. Hey it’s Ron Perlman, things are looking up but I’m a fanboy. Oh hey there’s John Malkovich as well, that could go either way.
At 23 minutes in I was kind of digging the story. The bad guys are really one trick ponies with one long McStabby arm. They really could have hashed out some variety here, would have really helped. Instead they dish us out a never ending stream of bad guys who don’t like to die. Over and over again. We get the rest of the team lots of action scenes that sort of work… sometimes. Not going to spoil the ending for those who may want to watch this themselves.
Okay here are some pro’s for the movie. There are some cool shots, cities under siege, the general look of the technology, uniforms and weapons. That all kind of works believe it or not. The entire thing has some color adjustment giving it a colorless appearance most of the time. Everything looks like mud… and ash, which strangely fits for the story here. But they just overdid it most of the time. The inside of the machine near the end looks pretty nightmarish and alien, as it should.
Now the negatives. Bad writing in the dialogue area with some just dumbass lines of conversation going on. Some of the folks were either calling in their acting skills or were given terrible direction on how to act, probably both. They had a roleplaying and miniatures battle game that this was based off of. One with a very distinct look… that they almost completely fucking ignored. Borrowing some names, a few setting details and not much else. Kind of like having and IP and then not using what you paid for.
In the end well, honestly, I’ve seen much worse. It’s an interesting little sci-fi flick with some cool details and world building in there. Probably be a fun beer night movie viewing for a group of folks who like grim dark action fare. But I can very well see why it bombed at the box office.
"Oh shit why am I stuck between these two assholes and their dumbass discussion?"
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